Mar 04 2009
Remembering Grandma and Grandpa -If Only I Could
Ever since I became a grandmother a year ago, I’ve been thinking a lot of my own grandparents and how I wish I had been able to meet them. My maternal and paternal grandparents on both sides of the family passed away before I was even born, so I never had the opportunity to know what having a grandma and grandpa was like.
I still have memories from when I was a child, as my older siblings would tell stories of about our grandparents and how wonderful they were, but also feeling a sadness deep inside that I never knew them at all.
A few years ago I began researching my genealogy family tree and ancestry, and even created a quite extensive family tree on ancestry.com that goes back several generations. As I worked to build the family tree, I discovered I had cousins, nieces and nephews I used to play with as a child and teenager but never knew we were actually related.
As happy as I was to discover the connection, it came as quite a shock to learn that my childhood friend I used to have sleepovers with, was actually my cousin. That her sister and brother were my cousins, and her mother was my dad’s first cousin on his mom’s side.
As soon as I found the genealogy connection, I emailed a couple of my brothers to ask if they knew the family was our cousins. They were just as surprised as I was, and it caused us all to wonder Why didn’t anyone ever tell us we were related? Asking mom and dad about it only brought shrugs and raised eyebrows as if to say the whole subject didn’t matter at all and why were we asking so many questions after all these years.
I’ve since been able to meet one of those cousins, who for some unknown reason, was never around while I was growing up despite being close in age. I haven’t had the heart to ask her such personal questions about where she was, why wasn’t she around, why didn’t I know about her when she lived in such close proximity to where we lived at that time.
I can only hope that by continuing to email each other and build on our family relationship, such as it is, that she’ll be able to fill me in on what seems like such a mystery to me and my brothers.
One thing I will always cherish is that my new-found cousin has given me numerous pictures of my paternal grandma and grandpa, pictures I had never seen before, but those pictures at least give me some kind of remembrance of having had grandparents even though I never knew them.
I have yet to see any pictures of my grandparents on my mom’s side, and the only thing I know about my mom’s upbringing is that she had a tough childhood with alcoholic parents, so I can understand why she’s not too interested in talking about my maternal grandparents even after all these years.
Maybe some stories are best left unsaid and best not remembered. That alone makes me want to do everything in my power and ability to ensure my children and grandchildren really know me, and that there is a happy legacy in our family tree for my grandchildren and great-grandchildren to have things to remember me by.
You can be the one to give your grandchildren good grandmotherly memories. The past is mostly just interesting. It’s what you do today that counts.
Marilynne
Maxiegirl, you’re so right. What matters most is that I create wonderful memories that will last a lifetime, not only for my own children but for their children as well.
The genealogy research I do has helped immensely in filling in some of the gaps, but as long as my kids and grandchildren have good memories of me as their mom and grandma, that’s all I can ask or hope for.